Posted by finelinebob on January 28, 2002, at 23:52:49
In reply to benefits of therapy? (longish), posted by m3 on January 28, 2002, at 18:56:52
> This is something I've always been curious about: can anyone offer concrete
> examples of how therapy has helped them? I know it's hard
> to sum up meaningfully, but I dunno, something like, before
> therapy I would do x, and now I can recognize other options
> and usually choose to do y.Although I put off getting serious about therapy until I was 35 or so (been demonstrably depressed since the age of 8), I certainly knew things weren't right and spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong. Over the years, I developed several metaphors to describe it since the core of my disorder is inaccessible -- for a long time, I've had this image of being out in the desert at night, sandstone rocks making some sort of wide circle with a bonfire in the middle and me dancing around that bonfire. I have never been able to look to the center. I know that's where my answers reside, but I can't look there. And even though in this imagery I can see shadows cast upon the ring of rocks, I still seem to think of the true center of that circle as more of a black hole than a fire.
Therapy is often compared to peeling back layers of an onion. For me, therapy has been more like moving closer to the center of that circle. And there was a time about a year ago when I finally realized that I'd made it -- I was standing at the center.
I've had a lot of sh*t happen in the year between that has completely side-tracked me from that.
All the same, I know I was there. It really is a black hole for me, tho ... I would leave a therapy session and not be able to remember a single thing that my T and I had discussed, but I'd still feel that something right happened. A lot of talk has helped to shed some light in that hole, and I can identify some of what's going on there now. But I still need just to stand there and study the lay of the land, to let my eyes grow accustomed to the light levels, if you will.
The other, much simpler way I know I've made progress? I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I'll say it again here: My T and I have dealt with all the issues I was willing to talk about or I **needed** to talk about, given events of the day. We've finally gotten me to the point where we can discuss the issues I **really** do NOT want to talk about one bit, with anyone!
Funny way to start a session..."I really don't want to say this, but ...". I know things are going well when, ten minutes into a session, I realize I'm pissed as hell at myself for opening my mouth.
flb
poster:finelinebob
thread:17403
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17435.html