Posted by alley on January 26, 2002, at 17:44:26
In reply to Re: I NEED SOME INPUT..It wasn't that long :-) » alley, posted by kiddo on January 25, 2002, at 23:45:04
> Hiya, I'm kiddo, pleased to meet ya.
>
> Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way :-)
>
> How do you "know" the trouble you're having is due to your mental illness? Is this something he's come right out and told you? Have you discussed it in length?>well we have discussed it for quite sometime now...and he always comes out and says it bluntly that he cant stand that i have have problems or that im slow and that i have to go see a doctor for in his words"head problems" or i have to take medicine to make myself someone im not..hes really ridiculous when it comes to this stuff and i hate it because it took me long enough to cope with being me i dont understand why someone who has a choice in the matter is so stubborn and doesnt realize theres a door...and tells me if i dont like the way im being treated to leave...why he doesnt take his own advice..because often he tells me that if i keep up with these problems and am like this he cant see himself having a future with me because he doesnt want his kids to have messed up genes...which is just another one of his totally messed up insults but we wont go there...
> The fact that he's majoring in psych doesn't mean he can apply that knowledge in his personal life. What I mean is,,,it looks good in the textbooks, but actually living it is often a difficult story.
>i do see what you mean except for the fact that he tells me i dont need any "head doctors" or medicines and that he himself will cure me...which is a bunch of bs if you ask me...
> The problems have only started since his return? Are you sure there weren't other issues that were there but not on the surface?
>they were always there just like you said...not on the surface...and it had a lot to do with him being so far away...i mean he went to school in miami and now hes going to school locally(in ny) we hardly saw eachother last year and now its like BAM constant and its almost smothering and theres just too many issues that need resolving that neither of us want to face and when one of us confronts them...the other just ignores it...its a loose loose situation
> You mentioned the fact that he's finishing school locally, was he physically near you during the other years, or was he out of town then?
>like i said above...he went to univ. of miami and now hes at pace...and he decided to apply locally for law school..and i feel completely guilty even though it was 100% his choice...
> It bothers me that he says you wouldn't be able to survive without him...like an emotional blackmail/abusive comment. (no one will love you but me, etc.)
>he does this constantly...and i always tell him its the other way around and he says things like this just to make himself feel superior but he takes it so lightly like i dont know what im talking about...and the sad thing is i think i actually do and he knows it too and hes just afraid im catching on...and afraid of whatll become of our relationship if i get some power..its these stupid double standards he sets up and it went all down drain since then...i hate it sooo much that he puts our relationship on the line constantly....(almost every night)telling me to choose either i change my ways or the relationship is over...and if i tell him i cant change then he goes bizerk and calls me mean names and calls my house and hangs up...and its simply ridiculous...this doesnt help at all with my moods because i get set off and he knows this..
> May I ask what meds you are taking, when they were increased and the dosage?
>i used to be on 36mg of concerta and 150mg of effexor and then 125mg depakote with 20mg of ritalin in the am and another dose of that in the afternoon and then 250mg of depakote with 50mg topamax at night but more recently i am now on just the ritalin am and pm without the depakote and just 500mg of depakote at nght with 100mg topamax and 10mg sonata if needed...
not good..none of it...crazy stuff....cycling up the kazoo...schools havok...i get home and im crying my eyes out for no aparent reason....not to mention im tired as hell...at night i cant go to bed..im wired and all i want to do is my art but even then my hand are shaking too much to do anything...> You mentioned in the beginning that you were rapid cycling, I take it you are Bi-polar? IMO (in my opinion) that alone could cause most of the trouble with your depressive episodes. Do you have a counselor you can talk to about this?
>im really not sure what i am...my psychiatrist said i have adhd and some signs of bipolar but i know they overlap and i know you cant have both...and i dunno..but in the past ive been diagnosed with some dysthimia and clymothia thing..who knows all i know is that i cant stand these stupid mood shifts and going through this anymore..ive had pleny of therapists...cant stay with one...so i just go see my psychiatrist once a month when hes around and he talks to me and asks how things are going and stupid me tells him everything is okay because i dont know how how open up and tell him that this stupid combo isnt working...but my parents have called him about six times this past week(he rotates from here to boston every month) and he hasnt called back since and the answering service said he will return our call...im just afraid to find someone else and start over again...
> Sorry for all of the questions :-) Mine's probably longer than yours (or close) already!
>
> I don't mean to sound critical of your boyfriend, but you yourself mentioned that "I've gotten so far and it isn't fair that you have to feel so stuck in this and so unstable at the same time." It sounds to me that you feel stuck in the relationship and unstable.....>
> Have you gone to Psycho-Babble Open? There is a chat there, feel free to come if you'd like, I'm heading there now.
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/psycho-babble-open
>
> I hope things get better for you....
>
> Kiddo
>
>thanks for all your help...(everyones) 8o)
**alley
> > well its over a year since my boyfriend and i have been going out..im seventeen and hes twentyone..lately....well more then lately..i guess you can say since hes been back from college..which is since this past may(he decided to finish he last year of college local this year, i dont feel to guilty for taht, but thats a TOTALLY different story) anyway..weve been having a lot of problems...and i know its because hes having a hard time dealing with my mental illness(s) or whatever the fact may be...he is being really not cooperative and it doesnt help that im cycling up a storm..
> > the funny thing is...hes majoring in psych. i dont see why he cant just cope with me and understand what im dealing with...our relationship is going deeper and deeper into a hole day by day and the sorrys dont mean anything anymore.
> > he tells me i wouldnt be able to survive without him but i think its the opposite and at times i just want to take off and leave and but ive gotten so far that its not fair that i have to feel so stuck in this and unstable at the same time...
> > the sickest part is..we tried to be apart for as much as we could last week...i think it was one of my worst depressive episodes i have ever had in my life...i thought it was just because of the new dosages of medicines but even my boyfriend said it was because we were apart...
> > basically i really need people to tell me if theyve ever been in a situation like this or can give me some type of suggestions....im sorry this post was soo long i just needed to vent too sorry by all means....post anything, email me...anything please though tell me if its these stupid medications or just the relationship in general thats killing me inside....
poster:alley
thread:17205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020125/msgs/17238.html