Posted by Shar on January 23, 2002, at 1:41:13
In reply to A tribute to my OCD (long and possible trigger) » Krazy Kat, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2002, at 19:19:28
D--Wow, what a great description you gave of the variations you experience. It gave me more insight on how busy or even buzzing one's head must feel during that time. (Being dysthymic is just blue to black to blue etc., no ocd or hypomania, unfortunately.)
Shar
> > I find it very refreshing that you point out the benefits of BPD and OCD. We may as well try to garner some good from these illnesses.
> >
> Yes, Kat, most of my home improvements owe their existence to a hypomanic episode. Well actually, they owe their start to a hypomanic episode. Then I am left with an expensive half completed mess that I have to finish without the benefit of all that extra energy, but the end result is good.
>
> But it's my OCD that I'm really fond of. It makes me feel so safe. I really missed it on Luvox. Sure it's wrong a lot. (What was that bump? I must have driven over someone. I don't see anyone in the middle of the road, but maybe they're stuck under my wheels.)
> And it causes me some extra time. (Touch the chicken, wash my hands, but did my fingers touch the faucet, wash the faucet, now may hands are dirty, wash my hands, pick up knife, wash my hands, can't take the chance of bringing disease to my family, it would be all my fault)
> And it really has trouble telling the difference between thought and reality. If a picture enters my mind it is as real to my OCD as reality is. (Well the thought of doing something awful passed through my mind, so how do I know I didn't really do it and forgot it on purpose, how can you actually be sure you didn't do something you blocked from your mind, ok I checked and didn't do it, but how can I be sure I didn't deliberately not see what I did, better check again)
> But it is right often enough for me to pay attention to what it says. I have remembered a lot of deadlines, thought of mistakes I might have made, etc. due to that little part of me that constantly reviews everything I did (or might have done) or didn't do. Plus I'm extra careful with what I do so that I don't set off my OCD. I'm not being sarcastic or anything, I really do like my OCD. I find it very helpful. I just wish I could control it and use it's power purely for good.
> Actually as part of my way to deal with my OCD, I have personalized it. I picture her a an earnest and serious little girl with dark curly hair and big brown eyes. I've given her a name. She watches everything I do and worries about everything. She may cause me a lot of trouble, but she means well. Don't worry, it's a completely artificial construct. It's just a way to conceptualize and externalize my OCD so that I can deal with it better.
poster:Shar
thread:17066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020112/msgs/17094.html