Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2001, at 22:23:15
In reply to Dinah - Are you ok?, posted by Mair on December 22, 2001, at 17:57:17
I have been reading over some of my posts from this period, and wondering what gets into me sometimes. It's like I am a completely different person now. I am not feeling particularly dependent on my therapist at all. I wonder if it is the fear of loss that is the basis of the attachment in the first place? But that doesn't really fit, because I feel no particular fear of loss at all right now. Of course, I also don't feel particularly attached. It seems to come and go, with no particular reason.
I wonder who on earth I'll be from day to day and what my reactions and attitudes will be. It is so unsettling to not know how you will react from one week to the next.
Things are going pretty good right now. I don't feel sad or anxious. I am enjoying my son and the holidays. My thoughts feel rather slow and thick. But I wouldn't mind freezing my mood right here. I wish I could. Because I know that one day I will again be rocking on the floor of the closet, thinking irrational thoughts, and crawling with anxiety. But I will ride this smooth, if slightly blank, mood while it lasts, even while I wish for a slightly more engaged but positive mood.
poster:Dinah
thread:15860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/16030.html