Posted by nightlight on December 24, 2001, at 20:29:27
In reply to Re: HHHHHHGGGGGGAR, posted by Sourceror on December 23, 2001, at 23:45:15
> Well I got a single dose in me. I wanted to take more but my parents were right there and were checking up on why I was taking more meds.
S~
I know that frustrated u no end, but, at least it kept u safe a bit longer.
>They just don't understand. My dad thinks if I just get up earlier, eat right and shower that things will be better. That alone just pissed me off more.God, how many x's in the past 30 yrs. have I nearly punched someone I liked/loved for giving me the same useless advice??? MANY...thing is u have to get to a certain level of remission before those required daily activities even begin to resemble 'rational acts'.
> I want to take more pills. It is like a hunger that has built up. Maybe the single does will kick in here soon and I will fall asleep and forget about today.You sound like me. Ah, the Hunger, for normalcy, lack of pain, a vision beyond *this* moment and this unending frustration w/my mind. I was a recreational drug user in my youth, preferred pharmaceuticals (pure and trustworthy in effect) and now that I really need meds for functionability and managing pain, I say, 'Bring 'em on!'
>I hate feeling this way and want this episode to be over. It seems like it will never end. I feel like I just keep repeating myself over and over. I want to fix this problem and the only way that keeps coming to mind is pills. It is almost funny that some people are deathly afraid of pills and here I am wanting nothing more in the world then to take a bunch of them.ditto,ditto, ditto! It as been many years of pain & brick walls, looking for a doc, a compassionate intelligence who cd. comprehend *me*, my needs.
> What has short circuited in my friggin head that has me going like this? I don't want to feel like this. I feel like hell and it sucks. Is this what my life is destined to be like? Is it worth going on? I start to wonder more and more each day? How do people do it every day?
I have wondered a thousand times,
>My life is not that bad in comparison to others so how can I feel this way?
I loved my childhood, my parents, and school (up to a point). What cd. I blame? Why did I lose it after puberty, and never find my way again?
>Well it looks like I may have made it through today but what does tomorrow bring? I guess I will have to face that tomorrow. Good night for today.
Sourcerer~please hang in there. Yes, I slept, underachieved, overdid my RX's when particularly miserable and confused, and I did so for nearly 3 decades. I had no kids, so what if I did overdose?
But, I didn't. I'm finally being treated well, and I have (a bit) more energy, some interest in life, and, *maybe* a future worth
anticipating. I really need that, cause now I have a child, and I want so much for her to be happy.I don't know ur age or diagnosis, but, diagnosis/treatment for adult ADD (not just the depression, anxiety and chronic pain I had been diagnosed w/for yrs) has made (finally) a real difference.
Sometimes, there really is a light
at the end of that long, dark tunnel. Hope u find it soon.nightlight
poster:nightlight
thread:15882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15896.html