Posted by NikkiT2 on December 17, 2001, at 13:03:54
OK, been doing alot of pondering and reading recently, and have come to a few thoughts...
I don't think I'm actually depressed as such... I'm never tearful, I adore the cuddles and love of my husband, I enjoy reading books... But i can just so no utter point in 98% of things.. There is no point in the future. I don't dwell on the past (other than those oh so embarrasing things I've done) and there is nothing in my life I would change.
I just fail to see the point of being alive. If I live any longer I'll live to see things i won't be able to cope with. i will end up seeing all the bad things in the world... eg, if I walk down to the shop I will see someone hit by a car.. If I live to next year someone I love will die... Does this make sense??
It is such a damn burden some days I can barely move. I am constantly looking for situations where these bad things will occur, I have to be 100% alert of every little thing around me, and this makes me ache with the tension of it. If I take my mind off it for one single minute then something will happen.This is turning into a bit of a ramble, but does anyone know what i mean??
Nikkixx
poster:NikkiT2
thread:15692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15692.html