Posted by akc on December 10, 2001, at 16:22:37
I have called myself an alcoholic for 3 1/2 years now. But I have always been a bit of a fraud. Let me explain.
Up to the day I checked myself into treatment, my drinking had been sporadic. I was never a daily drinker. The most I ever drank was when I first was out of high school when I would party with my friends.
Now I always got drunk when I drank -- always. No matter the best of intentions, I got drunk. However, I just wouldn't drink again for awhile. And those periods could be months, and even years (the longest 14 months).
I believe I have a problem with alcohol. In AA, the first step is "I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable." By the time I reached treatment, that step fit. I couldn't control my drinking when I began -- remember, when I drank I always got drunk regardless of my intentions. And, my life had become unmanageable. I had reached a point that when I drank, I either wanted to cut or kill myself. That seemed to me to be pretty unmanageable.
The reality is I cannot drink like others -- and the best plan of action is to never drink again. It is too dangerous. Just this past spring I got so drunk I fell in my house and hit my head -- I could have been seriously hurt.
But at the same time, I don't seem myself in the same vein as hard core drinkers -- I'm just a crazy person who can't drink.
I still hate my life.
akc
poster:akc
thread:15305
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15305.html