Posted by shelliR on October 19, 2001, at 23:32:44
In reply to DDNOS- Shelli, posted by judy1 on October 19, 2001, at 20:30:13
Hi Judy,
> I think my therp and shrink are having behind the scene disagreements here- while I most definitely have bipolar disorder there are times my manic state is very much a 'child-like' highly sexual personality that gets everyone's antennae quivering (funny mine is 8 yrs old too). I lose time- sometimes days- and cut to come out. Other than that (and voices which have been labeled psychotic rather than DID) I don't exhibit other symptoms. I am interested in your use of the term ego state, I'm unfamiliar with that. I dissociate a great deal, usually whenever stressed- is that similar to your symptoms? Other than the cutting, I really don't feel this disorder has affected me as much as bipolar so we spend a lot of time trying to keep me grounded. I go to the pai clinic because I'm tapering before I give birth- 8 weeks I think, but I tend to be late. I'm afraid of my anxiety and depressive symtoms returning w/o my fentanyl, but my baby's health is paramount. What kind of treatment are you receiving, and are you seeing a specialist in dissociative disorders? Take care, Judy
Well, when you are losing time, has the eight year old been out? Is she able to tell you what happens when you lose days. Like where you have been and what you have done? Can you talk to her? Also are you sure it is her that is always out when you are not out? That you only have one personality? Also, when your eight year old is "out", if people heard her on the phone would they think you are really an eight year old. Like when my kids are out, they are absolutely their ages, they have their own voices that are very different from mine, and each one has her own voice and way of relating.
Ego states are partial personalities inside. They don't have the full range of a person. An example might be if the eight year old is only sexual, that if you get to know her, she carries that for you, but not a whole range of expression. If you are losing days, though, I would tend to think you have some well-developed personality (ties) inside, because eight year olds can't drive.
So maybe there are others that you don't know. You say other than the cutting, having kids (a kid) is not a big deal. But isn't it really scary to not know what has happened all day. What do you think you do during those days ? Like are you talking to people, then having no idea that you have talked to them. Do you find things at home that you obviously have bought but can't remember buying them. Do people know you and you don't know them?I'm just trying to figure out what happens to you when you when you have left--whether you are purely dissociated, or if you have inside personalities that come out when you are not out. Losing time can also mean you have amnesiatic episodes, rather than DID. And I don't know a lot about that, except I guess you could be gone and not have DID.
Has anyone found you when you are losing time (your partner, for example). And how would he descibe you in this state? I do understand that you feel out of control when you feel not grounded. I think that's when you have memories?
As far as my dissociation, I am getting somewhat better. I never had totally left, but I don't feel my body, especially my face. I don't lose time. It is just very uncomforable. My kids are pretty much under control, except when I am very scared. They have talked when I have taken narcotics to make me sleep during my kneee surgery, and when I was in the hospital the three year old had a long conversation with my roomate. She is very funny and totally three--can't say all words, etc.
My therapist specializes in dissociative disorder and so did my last one. The last one worked a lot with the kids and the younger ones worked a lot of stuff out about their abuse with her. My present therapist has discourage the kids talking too much because she wants the kids to be dependent on me, not her. I think it would have been good if the older children (8 and 10--both were 8 but one has grown to 10 now) had talked to her because now they don't want to. And I don't think my kids were dependent on the last therapist, they just loved her, but I was the "mother" ("she was my very good friend", says the 4 year old'),
My meds are worked on with a specialist in mood disorder, no talk at all about kids inside. It has never really helped to try to medicate indiviually, I am mostly medicated for PTSD.
So they are tapering you outpatient for the codeine. That's good because if it seems to high, you'll have it way down. Just partially down, or drastically down?
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:12724
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011015/msgs/12732.html