Posted by susan C on September 10, 2001, at 19:22:33
In reply to After lunch report, with tears, fears, etc..., posted by Racer on September 10, 2001, at 18:03:21
Dear Racer,
Thank you for posting the update...I dont know what I would have done with out my SO being patient with me while I wasn't able to or willing to have sex. He is so patient with me. So devoted. It gets returned. I would do anything for him. I work very hard at trying to find an answer to why I feel the way I do...
a snuffling mouse
susan c> Don't get me wrong, lunch was great! It was really nice, though strange, to see him again. He looks the same, for the most part. I learned a lot about him I'd never known, and learned a lot about myself from someone else's point of view.
>
> Why the tears? Because of who I was inside back then -- and still carry the ghost of now. A frightened little girl, desparate for someone to care about her, easily mistaking sex for love. This man was my first consentual partner. I was 13 the first time we kissed. What kind of a monster hurts a child that way? How could some incarnation of pure evil have done that to such a sweet child, and thank god for the young man who held me and kissed me and taught me, finally, that my body could bring me pleasure instead of shame and pain. And that poor young man, to be faced with such a bottomless pit of pure, desparate need at such a young age. I'm crying for us both, and wishing like hell we'd had some clue what we would be in the end in order to have avoided some of the pain in getting here.
>
> It has strengthened my commitment to my lover. My true lover, the one who can be with me, even if he can't make love to me right now. He'd better get over it, though, because I do deserve better, and more. I really am worth it, after all.
poster:susan C
thread:11099
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11106.html