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Re: sar is okay » shelliR

Posted by sar on August 13, 2001, at 13:59:59

In reply to Re: sar is okay » sar, posted by shelliR on August 10, 2001, at 23:40:25

dear shelli,

thanks, i don't even consider it nagging, well maybe in an affectionate way, i'm just glad to get replies and to feel like others understand...

i know that i need to work on more concrete ways of self-control...i'm not putting all my stock into the depakote (which i'm not on yet) but just knowing that the combination of depakote + alcohol will have such a greater effect on the liver might temper my behavior somewhat. i have a BP I acquaintance who has cirrhosis of the liver. he is dying at 23 years old. i think it's the combination of 5 years of strong meds and heavy drinking that did him in.

the combination of prozac and klonopin have helped my social anxiety immeasurably. i find myself acting really affectionate and extraverted, which sometimes makes me nervous because i wonder if i'm being too much! (after having spent so much time reticent and retiring).

my newest pdoc does not want me to take klonopin because he feels it is too addictive. i argued that klonopin has really salvaged/saved my life, and he said that was a sign that i'd already become too dependent on it. i take .5 mg twice daily. he wrote me a 'script for one month's worth more pills, but he too seemed to think that i need to work on more cognitive ways to deal with my anxiety. the thing is, I HAVE. swimming, yoga, deep breathing, CBT, therapy--but without meds, ruminating thoughts ravage my mind, terrible anxiety, shakiness, like a deer caught in headlights.

i want to do therapy again, but my last go-'round has made me very wary. since i'm not insured, i'd have to go to the free counselors, and i just don't dig them as much--their required "goal sheets," anti-drug propaganda, blaming depression on occasional use of illicit drugs--this has been my experience. i'm in the process of getting medical insurance and then will be offered psychtherapy on a sliding-scale rate, but i feel like i'm the big loser in a cakewalk and wonder if *i'm* the problem, if i've only wholly liked 1 psych out of 10 then maybe i'm expecting too much...what do you think?

thanks shelli

sar


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