Posted by Marie1 on June 17, 2001, at 10:56:37
In reply to This is funny..., posted by Phil on June 16, 2001, at 18:37:31
> Actual notes from Doctors on their patient's charts...
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> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
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> On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
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> She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
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> The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me.
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> The patient is tearful an crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
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> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
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> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-ol male. Mentally alert but forgetful.
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> The patient refused an autopsy.
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> The patient has no past history of suicides.
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> Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
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> Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
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> Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
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> Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
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> Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
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> She is numb from her toes down.
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> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
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> The skin was moist and dry.
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> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
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> Paitent was alert and unresponsive.
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> Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
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> She stated that she has been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
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> I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
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> Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
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> Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
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> The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
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> The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
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> Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
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> The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
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> Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
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> Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
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> Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
poster:Marie1
thread:6475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6496.html