Posted by Mair on June 7, 2001, at 21:43:34
In reply to Is there a positive side?, posted by Jane D on June 5, 2001, at 13:07:34
>Jane - I realize that this thread may be headed for an end, but I did want to let you know that I thought your post a very eloquent statement about the effects of depression. In the beginning I certainly didn't think of it as a positive experience but I tried to be pretty sanguine, thinking things like "this is just temporary" and "this is just my thing to deal with like other people have to deal with things like diabeties, etc." So I think in a limited way I was trying to put a positive spin on things. This evaporated as time went on and multiple drug trials didn't yield any success. I was forced to occasionally consider that I'd be dealing with this for the rest of my life, and maybe I'd never achieve any sort of lasting (ie. more frequent than not) remission. It's like you sit around and watch time go by, and it's pretty difficult to feel that you haven't wasted all that time. To make it worse, I've gotten to where I no longer have a clear picture of the pre-depression me. My depression totally defines me. I function better than I did when I first got on this roller coaster, but in many respects I function worse because I can no longer delude myself that "this too will pass." I'm a different person in that I'm much more aware of how I react to events and what effect all that may have on my mental health, but correspondingly, with that knowledge, my anxiety level about my immediate and longer term future is off the charts. I realize that there must be positives, but I don't subscribe to the theory that we're all better persons on account of what we've endured. I certainly don't feel emotionally stronger, just emotionally beleaguered.
Thanks for saying alot of what I've felt so well.
Mair
poster:Mair
thread:6300
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6336.html