Posted by sar on June 1, 2001, at 21:14:41
The other day at work (I work at a bookstore) I saw a a book called *Stop Walking on Eggshells* about borderline personality disorder and flipped thru it because my main preoccupation for the past 6 months or so has been w/ psych issues and alot of ppl in my life seem to walk on eggshells around me (I'm terribly sensitive). I happened to flip open to a testimony from a BPD woman and felt as if I were reading my own feelings. The next day I had an appointment with my pdoc and asked if she thinks I'm borderline...she looked very surprised and said "What makes you think that?" then said that I probably meet 5 or 6 of the diagnostic criteria, but that she doesn't like labels too much. I know that is the reasonable thing, but I *crave* a diagnosis. I don't know why. A few nights later I had a few beers, drove to another bookstore and stole Walking on Eggshells, and I mention this here because the next day I thought about that objectively and thought "Damn, ___, you're crazy" but only from an objective point of view...it wasn't that bad for me.
Is BPD worth more research on my part? I read in the archives that it's a "ghetto" diagnosis...but what do yall think? I remember Nikki and Jah discussing BPD (Nikki dx'd and Jah skeptical) recently, but I'd like to open up the topic again...my pscyh was right, I do meet 5 of the criteria...& I also come from an abusive background. People close to me have called me "self-destructive." & I am.
I suppose I've been hiding for years...IF I do this & that & this I'll be Normal Happy Healthy...all of this putting-off kicked me in the ass with the blackest depressive episode in my life...I think it was the hiding & ignorance that did it...so now I'm at square one, one moment burying my nose in psych info and the next wondering if I'm fooling myself, that I'm making my problems more serious than they actually are and that if I get off of this psychiatric roller coaster parade *then* I can be healthy...what a dizzying maze.
thanks for listening.
sar
poster:sar
thread:6255
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6255.html