Posted by pandora on March 21, 2001, at 2:00:06
In reply to Hurting Bad, posted by storm on March 20, 2001, at 17:49:37
First of all, a therapist WON'T think you're crazy! I suggest you look into finding one, even if it's only for short-term counseling. A therapist can provide a realistic look at the situation with no emotions or history to get in the way, and can help in a way that friends and family usually can't.
Second, and you're not going to want to hear this, this is a no-win situation for you. These people have chosen to spend their lives together and have had the courage (from what you have written) to stick it out through some hard times... that's the way a marriage should be, after all. I know it's easy to look in from the outside (and you ARE on the outside, regardless of how close you are to this man or how much he shares with you) and see all the reasons they shouldn't be together, but there is obviously a lot, including 3 children, that keeps them from giving up on the relationship.
I know it's a great gift to find someone who can understand your situation and help you through the hard times of your illness, and it's easy to form strong attachments to these people, but pursuing a relationship with this man can only hurt you more than you are hurting now.
As difficult as it will be (and believe me, I'm not trying to minimize this), you will be better off accepting that this man is off limits and openning yourself up to finding someone who can be completely yours.
I hope you don't take this as a personal attack, but I know first hand how hopeless this kind of situation is and how much happier you can be once you move away from it and can focus on realistic relationships.
Best of luck.
Erin
poster:pandora
thread:5189
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010209/msgs/5197.html