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Letter rip! (Joke)

Posted by S. Howard on November 4, 2000, at 21:45:38

In reply to Re: Avoiding family--ps, posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 17:20:01


Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married;

Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine, considering I can barely breathe.
The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ill mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice.
Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh
for my grave. I'm sure it won't be long, but don't give a second thought to attending my funeral. I'm sure that person you live with would never allow you to attend. I'll bet she never even watched the videotape I sent you of my hemorrhoid operation.
Well, beloved son, it's my bedtime. Since I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, I usually fall two or three times on my way to the bedroom, but don't you worry about me. I'm getting used to the cold floor, since my heat has been turned off, and the frost on my bed helps to numb the constant pain. Don't you even think about sending me any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to the grandbabies and my regards to whatsherface, the blond with the black roots, who stole you screaming from my bosom.
Merry Christmas,
Love, Mom


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poster:S. Howard thread:1927
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2102.html