Posted by Racer on October 28, 2000, at 14:44:26
In reply to Re: Racer, posted by coral on October 27, 2000, at 19:09:15
My phobia of x-rays? Only chest or pelvic x-rays. This isn't the big phobia in my life, that would be what we call 'paralegals': bugs! The x-ray phobia is weirder. I guess because I've only had my chest/pelvis x-rayed when I was sick, but I have had a total hysteric reaction each time, that they're going to find cancer and won't be able to treat it. Again, this happened to a couple of my relatives: by the time the cancer was found, there was nothing to be done. I think the part about fertility is an overlay: the real fear is death by cancer, the auxilliary is that the x-rays will damage my ovaries. Does that make any sense? Well, if it does, then it's a lousy phobia, huh?
As for bugs in general and spiders in particular, I'm fascinated by them too. I like to read about ants, termites (Soul of the White Ant, great book), bees, etc. And I can watch them, too, for a while, and sometimes even let them come near me. But I can't kill them myself, can't chase them outside, can't stay in a room with loose bugs, etc. Maybe it's partly because I'm very allergic to bites from spiders, wasps and bee stings. At any rate, I know that I get bitten by a lot of bugs, probably because my skin is thin enough for them to bite through, and it always swells and usually hurts. Hell, I even get bitten by the deer flies at the barn! Cute little things? Their mouths must be twice the size of their heads, the way it hurts! (NB: as someone who works with horses, my threshold of pain is pretty high. I don't yell when I'm stepped on, don't cry when I'm dumped, swear like a sailor when I'm kicked, but who wouldn't? Those little buggers *hurt*)
Your fascination with the spiders sounds healthy to me, btw. A way of putting your own pain in perspective. For me, it's usually poetry: On Wenlock Edge, Ich grolle nicht, Hiemweh, Epitaph on an army of mercenaries, etc. Who cares how silly or weird it may seem to others if it works!
As for the slow pace of desensitizing yourself, that comes from horse training. The idea in any sort of work in that area is to start out with something that isn't upsetting. For example, my mare was terrified by whips of any sort. I'd start out by carrying a whip when I was grooming her. She was scared and trembling at first, but then relaxed because she likes being groomed. Eventually, she ignored the whip. Then, I'd touch her with the whip, tickle her with it, hold it close to a place I was rubbing, until she ignored being touched by it. Eventually, I got on holding it, and didn't use it. Finally, I could smack her with it and she'd respond without turning herself inside out over it. (She's lazy as sin, and the whip is a reminder to listen to my leg -- not an abuse. Besides, we were showing sidesaddle, too, in those days. Sidesaddle you use a stick in place of your right leg.) Anyway, it's just a case of slow and easy and nothing scary. Good luck!
(You know, I almost with I could be there to help you along with this. Phobia stuff interests me, and helping people get over it always makes me feel good. I've worked a lot with my mother to get her over her fear of dogs and horses, and it's always interesting to see the results of different techniques at different times...)
(And yes, it is interesting that my mother is so very frightened of horses, considering I've been riding since I was six, and she supported it all along. My mother the Squirrel. At least I'm my mother's daughter...)
poster:Racer
thread:1623
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1769.html