Posted by laural on October 20, 2000, at 3:14:58
Oranges in winter (Manic Depression)
I found a lump on my breast last night.
Walking through the winter rain today
I smelled oranges--sweet and hot and dry
and I thought of Christmas as a child
the toe of my stocking was annually
stuffed with a single Florida Sunkist
the tang of the peel would burrow
under my fingernail and find its way into my eye
and my chapped lips would burn and itch
with its zest
I dreaded that orange as it meant the end of my stocking
that was when life was still somewhat kind
but even then I knew that this soft living would pass.
the doctor told me the lump
was related to my period
nothing serious
but to come see her in two weeks
All last night and this morning I had
imagined what I would look like
with one breast--
my two perfect breasts--
I almost wanted it to be cancer
like a child who provokes
a beating so that she
knows she has a bit of respite
before the next one.
I realize now that I have been beaten.
Once home, sliding my fingers between wedges of fruit
I think of the return swing of a great pendulum,
as inevitable as the annual
orange in winter--
poster:laural
thread:1356
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1356.html