Posted by allisonm on September 13, 2000, at 19:46:11
In reply to Re: followup » allisonm, posted by shellie on September 13, 2000, at 11:42:11
Thanks Shellie.
>It's become clear to me recently that depression need not cloud perspective. Many people who do not have a so called mental illness still lack perception, intuitive intelligence and good judgement.
I often think that people with depression have more perspective and perception. In bad times not, but in OK times I often think they see things more clearly. I am in my head alot for numerous reasons, including depression. I'm always trying to figure out why things happened or are happening the way they are.
> I think you should feel really proud of yourself. I think you should still keep in mind for your next job the notion that the least you share about your illness, the less it can be used against you.
It was difficult not to tell my boss about my depression. My husband left me and my mom died within days of each other 2 years ago. I was seeing a psychiatrist already for depression, but this compounded the situation. She has been very understanding through my recovery. I still have bad days, but they are fewer. During bad episodes, she has noticed and asked me if I'm OK. That's when I know I really need to do something, adjust meds, etc. because I often cannot tell whether it is evident when my depression flares up. However, I see now that my grace period has expired and it's down to brass tacks. I will never admit my perceived mental shortcomings to her again.
I know she has become very afraid for her own job and is worried about her own duties because many have been taken away from her of late, and she probably was worried that the remaining department that she supervises was going to hell in a handbasket and that wouldn't make her look good. I do think she cares about me. That may sound weird. We have always gotten along and I have always found her to be a fair and caring boss. Sometimes maybe too caring. Lately, tho, I think her own stress over her own rocky position is coloring things and making her desperate. I don't know if this makes sense.
Thanks again for your insights. Everyone here has given me really good points to think about. With no mom to call up or husband at home to talk to, I can get stuck in circular thinking. I have to rely on friends on the outside to give me perspective.
poster:allisonm
thread:469
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/538.html