Posted by Vincent_QC on March 24, 2009, at 19:57:24
Ho my...I just discover this board...I think I was not paying a lot of attention over the whole babble website since i'm a member of it...
So to begin, I want to told you that I can do a lot of grammaticals errors..i'm not an english speaking guy...I do my best...anyway that's not the point, I just want to be clear on that...
Well, some people already know me for my 'un' famous posts on the medication board...
I.m diagnosticed with social anxiety disorder with a lot of comorbidities like GAD, depression, BDD, panic disorder with agoraphobia and also since a while a lack of motivation and energy and any focus that make my life reduce to nothing...no work, no interest in anything...I only sleep or try to sleep at night, eat and felt guilty because I gain weight and try to go out at night even if I feel scare about that idea...just to continue to have a minimum of exposure time in social situation...Ho I have also a boulimia problem that come and go and a gastric by-pass surgery in 2001 where I go from 445 pounds to 180 since last year...and now 225 because I gain weight on some meds...Anyway...I'm the lucky one who also win the fabulous price of being gay....that's seem that I have everything against me...
So my question is... Someone else here is gay??? And if so, gay + SAD and have also some problems meeting new guys for a future relationship??? I don't meet a new guy since almost 3 years and my sexual life is non-existent...no sex...for a gay guy that's something not normal...because the gay peoples are all a lot turning into sex and ones nights...ME, i'm not like that... just the idea to introduce me to someone else that I don't know, or just the idea to call a guy that I don't know just to talk on the phone and know each other more well make my heart race at the speed of light...
I recently begin to do more Internet and also begin to put my profile online on some gay meeting website...the main problem is that peoples are affraid of me, because of all the mental problems I experience now and also because I don't want to meet them the same week I begin to talk with them... They just think i'm playing with them and that i'm a b*llsh*tt*r but that's not the case...it's just that the last guy I meet in 2005 tols me at the end of the date that I had too many problems in my life and that I was too negative for him and that he will never be able to be with a guy like me...and before I meet him, we was talking on the phone regulary and on the internet everything seemed to be ok...but I meet him and he told me this...I was so down after...I promise to myself that I will never meet a new guy of my life...
Anyway...I don't know why I post such a message like this... Maybe I just want to have some advise...
This guy, who I begin to e-mail him since 2 weeks, really want that I call him since 1 week...but i'm affraid to pick up the phone and call...is it normal??? He seem to be too nice for me, he is more older, have a great job, a lot of money, more education than me, he is A WAY more cute than me, i'm sure he can have all the guys he want...what the hell he want from me??? He seem to not care about my mental state and seem to be too much comprehensive over all my problems and try see my future a lot more positive than how I see it myself...
You know, I'm not like the other gay guys...i'm not a whore...I never was... I had only one real boyfriend, a 10 months relationship, I discover he had an affair with another guy when he was with me so we breakup... I fall in love with another guy but he play wit my heart...I discover that I was maybe too much affective dependant...I was falling in love too fast...now it's seem to be the contrary, it's like I put a lock on my heart and nobody can unlock it...but at the same time, I fear to fall in love again... This new guy don't stay in my city...and I will never be able to trust someone who live not near me because my first relation ship was a disaster and I know that i'm jalous...I will always fear something...at the same time, I also say to myself that I will do like the others gay guys who are often in open couple...mean that they sleep with others guys...and stay in relationship...and in love...even if one if the two guy sleep with another one...I know that sound strange but that's very popular in the gay culture...
You see...that's complicated...no wonder why being gay is for a lot of guys a big problem...can you imagine put mental disease like SAD and depression in the top of it...that's killing me...
Well thanks to just read my message and not judge me...I'm just overstress with that new guy...he is so charming...and I don't know what to do...I don't feel like I have something to give to someone for now...I can even take care of myself...
Thanks for reading....
Vincent ;-)
poster:Vincent_QC
thread:886875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/886875.html