Posted by raisinb on December 14, 2008, at 14:14:14
In reply to Husband's SHAMEFUL Interests - Please Help!, posted by Emmie on December 6, 2008, at 13:36:27
Oh my goodness, that must have been such a traumatic shock. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
Now, I will preface this by saying that I am not an expert, a couples' therapist, or an expert on child abuse, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.
But...there is a difference between exploring and doing. Looking at these websites may be the start of something he will escalate, but it's perfectly possible that it is not...that he's just exploring a side of his sexuality. There is also a possibility that there is something missing for him emotionally in his life, and these particular sexual outlets are the way he's trying to approach those needs. In my experience, men can be confused or out of touch with emotional needs and try to get those needs met sexually.
But in any case, I think you need to talk to him about this, honestly. And if you two can't talk about it honestly and nondefensively, then couples' therapy helps many. Part of being in an intimate relationship is struggling to understand and be part of each others' needs and desires, yet setting limits, at the same time, when something is clearly not okay. Open conversations, and perhaps therapy, can help you and he figure out which is which and what to do. But I think the worst part is the secrecy--that is true of any relationship issue.
I wish you luck in dealing with this.
poster:raisinb
thread:867039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/868761.html