Posted by Fivefires on September 12, 2007, at 14:20:37
In reply to Re: My 'missache'? Can't get him off my mind ..., posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on September 12, 2007, at 7:21:51
> Hi Firefires,
>
> This happens to me too, in fact most of my life. I am beginning to believe you can't have friends of the opposite sex usually. SOme guys just don't hear "no" >Exactly.
and they think they can still convince you.>
I guess.
>It sounds like you are doing all that you can. >
No I should do something I think. Even if it's a little white fib. Maybe I'll tell him I'm getting back together w/ my ex sig-other. This should stave him off. I heard my cell play 'somewhere over the rainbow' (I know.) this morn' and was hoping I'd be awaken to a text from some1 I love, but instead it was him w/ 'morning beautiful'. I'm sorry, but I just felt ill.
>Do you have regular contact with this guy like at a job or something?>
He leaves here in this same small condo complex. If I tell him it's come to a halt, won't be doing my self any favors re: neighbors.
>Is there a way to ban him from texting you?>
Yes, believe you can block, but can't afford. Cell is gift from daughter and her husband. He was angry w/ me last night becuz' I was sick and wanted some crackers and said so in a text message, but apparently politically incorrect, as he said responded 'don't send these kind of messages'.
>If you cut off all contact with him, maybe he will get the message, so maybe trying ignoring him?>
I tried this for a few days and then felt bad about not being honest or courageous. Hate to hurt someone, but guess I need to think about how I feel. There's a few moments when someone you really don't care for says 'morning beautiful', you like it(?), but that's using someone to get 'your kicks' and I that's not right is it?
You made no mention of the one I love/d. The OOP said 'may contact by mail' ... sort of scribbled by the judge at the bottom. I wasn't sure he'd seen it. I did this because he loves to write long notes or letters. I did the OOP because he has 'some real problems'. He can't see them or doesn't. His fam' covers for him. He is very clever, witty, charming, enigmatic, and, if he is 'knocked off his thrown', he can get right back up and throw on this perfect grin and say the perfect words. It's kind of like if you accidentally ran over a pet .. your 'conscious' can't just shut it out. Well, his can, or at least he tells me this. This is one of the reasons I got the OOP. He would make a big mistake and just repeat it over and over again. And, I did it for both of us in a way. As much I was drawn to him, he was to me also. I guess I just thought he'd never stop loving me. (I know. Like 'I'm all that'.) But then something told me 'now you know people can do this'. Myself, once I love, I love forever. Is that strange? Anyway, I didn't really want this. I didn't really want him to go. Instead I wanted him to behave properly w/ me. I know you can't change anyone and I thought maybe he'd want to change his ways if he wasn't allowed to touch base w/ me every weekend. Anyway, I wrote him a typed note and left it where he should have gotten it (unless fam' intercepted it) saying I missed him and I did this for both of us and I hoped we could keep in touch. I think 'his love for me' wasn't as strong as I'd thought and I know he can 'consciously put feelings away' in an almost psychotic sort of way. I shouldn't have played w/ the law as I did .. I think. Well maybe I most certainly had the right to do what I did because some of the things he did were very wrong, but as you can see from what I've said here, it wasn't just for this reason. I'd gotten to know him inside and out over 13yrs and for these misgivings of his there were some valid reasons, I felt. He still would occasionally 'take something' from my home or 'tell fibs', especially re: being w/ his mother or having dinner there or living there (age mid 40s), which just became 'so old'.
I talked to some guy this weekend who said to shake my hand loose and hold it out and point my finger at his. So we stood there pointing our index fingers at each other. He then said 'I feel a lot of negativity'. (I thought OMG what has become of 'the good me'?) And then he said 'Go w/ you heart. Always go w/ your heart'.
Well damn! If I'd gone w/ my heart, I'd have married this ex-sig years ago.
I fear going w/ my heart as I am a very 'heartful person'. I am very sensitive and passionate. This is heart stuff isn't it? My mind and rational thoughts are here somwhere too, but they're like 'a nose behind' my heart. It's like I've been in a race to the finish line all my life ... go w/ the horse w/ the heart or the horse w/ the nose. I'm not a horse. I'm a dragon. I must be a mean fire breathing dragon w/ negativity according to this guy I spoke of here. I don't know where all this is coming from. This is not like me.
Tks so much Happyflower 1,
(I guess somebody else took Happyflower w/o a 1 huh?)
very much, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:782259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/782468.html