Posted by bosgirl on August 3, 2007, at 0:02:49
I am struggling in the romance department. I know that I have some mental hurdles that I need to jump over before I will be in a lasting relationship.
I'm very scared of true intimacy (physical + emotional) with a man. I grew up without a father and did not have any men in my life with which I had a close or positive relationship. So although I'm attracted to men I have a host of mixed feelings about them as well. For instance, if a guy is really nice and I feel an emotional connection to him it's hard for me to feel a physical connection and vice versa. I keep getting dumped. The guys usually say that I'm really nice but that they aren't ready for a serious relationship--but I always blame myself for my (real or perceived) shortcomings.
This is made worse because I have VERY little going on in my life right now. Due to a mild depression, I am slightly antisocial and don't have a lot of friends or hobbies. This leave me with a lot of time on my hands with which to obsess over my latest romantic failure.
Anyway, I'm not sure what my question is exactly. I guess I'm just frustrated because I don't know how I'll ever overcome these issues besides therapy (which I'm in). I feel like I missed out on a model for having positive relationships with men that having a close relationship with a father or brother might provide. I feel like the only person who is so deeply alone and who can't find someone who wants to love me. All of these worries make me feel very self absorbed, down on myself and alone.
I am so lost right now!
poster:bosgirl
thread:773677
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/773677.html