Posted by lymom3 on July 21, 2007, at 9:19:49
I don't know how many of you have adult children that could give me some insight from that end or how many of you are young enough that maybe you've been in an similar situation or know someone who has. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
I have a 19 year old who is ADHD (that's an understatement). He is currently treated with 40mg prozac, 60mg of Focalin XR (yes 60...thank god it's something that actually helps) and 900mg of Lithium. He has smoked weed since he was 12 (unbeknownst to me for many of those years). He has been to inpatient rehab as his life is just in a shambles. He has stolen from us on several occasions to feed his weed habit; if you can't keep a job because of your weed habit then money doesn't just grow on trees. He has shoplifted...not gotten caught at it but nonetheless a problem. He stays clean for a while but it doesn't last.
I would willingly pay for any counselling that he wants to go to. He will go for a few visits and then quits. Same with NA or AA. I can't force him to go and it doesn't serve any purpose for me to make him go. He has to want it. Last weekend instead of going back to work like he was supposed to he went and got high. When my husband tracked him down, he told my son that if he wanted to have a chance to still live in the home (we've been through a few times of telling him that this was his "last chance"). Instead he handed off his cell phone and said no. Later he showed up. Made him sleep in the back yard with a sleeping bag. My husband is to the point where he says him or me. He is Josh's stepdad but his true father in every sense of the word.
I have paid for a hotel room for my son for 2 weeks. I have given him gift cards to a gas station for job hunting purposes and visa gift card so he can eat. He has a list of phone numbers to all his doctors, homeless shelters, AA, NA etc. His issue last weekend was that he realized the job he was working was a scam. He worked over 300 hours in one month and ended up getting paid under 300 dollars. They prey on kids like him that have a hard time getting a decent job. Instead of talking to someone about it his choice was to get high to forget. He so needs to learn how to deal with stress, disappointment and boredom but I can't *do* it for him. I'd trade him places in an New York minute if I could.
He has an appointment set up for Job Corps on Tuesday and my boss at my job had him come in yesterday to help put together some marketing stuff and is going to have him help some more on Monday. That will help him out. He needs to find a real job. He needs to find somewhere that he can live. There is a chance that if he shows he is going in the right direction he might be allowed back here but I don't know that all of us can survive that. I feel like I want to make sure he takes his meds; he's doomed without them. I want to make sure he goes to his pdoc appts to get his meds. At the same time, he's not 8 years old anymore.
He is so bright. He is a talented artist. He also has a problem with understanding what people are trying to say or telling him to do. It doesn't always process right in his mind. He will get pissed about something said to him when he has taken the meaning totally wrong. His thinking is very black and white and the gray areas just completely befuddle him. I know that ADHD kids mature more slowly than other kids do too. So I feel like I've tossed a 16 year old out on his own. He really has to get a clue that it's his job to take his meds, find and keep a job, get up to go to that job on his own...not have mom or his boss wake him up. I just feel like he is so ill equipped to do that, that I am dooming this kid to fail by trying to make him be out on his own. Does he really have the ability to do so?
I know this has been long and thank you to anyone who has made it through this whole post. I guess I'm just looking for a "hey you're doing the right thing" or even a "you're being a total bitch". Any input on anything I can or should be doing or even things that I need to not be doing would be great. It's hard to know what's right. When it's your baby, being objective is not always easy. Feel free to ask any questions that you might have.
Lisa
poster:lymom3
thread:770869
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/770869.html