Posted by LJRen on December 23, 2006, at 13:27:21
For me, the holiday season is a romantic time of the year. Don't know why, just is. But the last bf I had was in '94 so 12 years of singledom has really worn on me. My depression kicks it up a couple notches starting around Thanksgiving & doesn't let up until after the begining of Jan. Some past years it's been absolutely awful. This year, I've done pretty well at ignoring Christmas. But it hit me a couple days ago that a week after Christmas is New Years Eve and that night is even worse.
I'm in a new city and don't know many people. My mom is here but I don't care to be around her husband at all. The man I've considered my best friend for the past 2 years lives an hour away, but he just up & stopped talking to me 3 months ago - was extremely devastating to me. We finally had an hour long talk this past week but a lot of damage has been done, so I'm trying to keep my distance. But at the same time I've loved him on & off for 12 years despite his lack of love for me (btw, he's that last bf I mentioned). He's single right now too and I want so much to spend New Years with him just so not to be alone.
I'm such a torn up mess inside. The past 3-4 months have been an absolute emotional h*ll for me. I'm so tired of hurting. Things seem to have mellowed out a bit this past week, but I'm so fearful of the week to come. I hate the holidays. I am so tired of being alone.
Ren
poster:LJRen
thread:715934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/715934.html