Posted by puravida on July 24, 2006, at 19:50:42
I'm hoping to get some perspective on this - the issue is my sister and her new husband, and what happens when they visit me. It seems the plans my sister and I make on how to spend the time when they are visiting me go out the window and she seems to get amnesia the closer it gets to doing whatever we discussed doing. Most of the plans are tentative, but the goal, ie spending time together, some of it with my sister alone, is pretty clear to me. I suspect her husband is difficult for her to deal with, but I end up losing out.
Recently I took two days off work to be with them. One day they left town to visit his family nearby at mid-day, when I thought they were spending the whole day w/ me.
They told me they would be back from his family's at mid-day at the end of the week, so I took that day off, knowing I would not be able to leave work early w/o taking a vacation day. Up until 8 am that morning she told me they'd be here by noon, then it ended up being 2 pm, and they ended up getting here at the end of the day.
Then, they had refused my offer to stay with me, and got a hotel, and called me to let me know they were in (finally). All of the things we had discussed doing were not mentioned - now we she wanted to know "we're thinking about getting some dinner, do you want to come up later and meet us?" And the next day - "we are going to do this - do you want to meet us?"
Anyhow, I didn't go to dinner because I was upset about them getting in late. I had also made plans that involved someone else at their request, and they didn't let me know that they didn't want to do that activity until noon, when we were supposed to meet at 2.
The next day they were scheduled to leave, and when she asked me if I wanted to join them, I told her again how frustrated I was. In her mind, it was just being flexible, and this was "their family vacation". I declined doing anything with her and her husband and step daughter, and told her that I'd like her, if she would, to spend the afternoon with me at my house as we had talked about. And I said that maybe next time she should come alone if it was going to be so difficult to both see me and have a family vacation in one trip.
She didn't call back to say that she'd come over, and it feels pretty yucky, since she is pretty much my best friend.
Sorry so long, I would really appreciate advice. This is just one incident in several over a few years, and up till now I seem to blame myself for having unrealistic expectations. But now I am thinking that my expectations aren't the problem -the problem lies elsewhere -
THANKS in advance for any insight!pv
poster:puravida
thread:670136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/670136.html