Posted by Tanzanite on March 2, 2006, at 3:15:01
After reading jonquilo's post I felt sad in a way and had to express this here. This has to do with my own personal feelings in my life. I do and have felt like a burden to those I love. I have at times thought about dying, been on the edge, but have never tried to kill myself. But sometimes, I feel so sad and so alone, even in my marriage that I feel like I have nothing to offer in this world. I pray a lot and try to find my self worth in my faith, but it is terribly hard. I feel like a hamster on a wheel and that I am never going anywhere. I feel like no matter what I do we are hit with one crisis after another and this throws me into more of a panic or a depressed state. Sometimes, I just have this urge to disappear from everything and everyone like if I had the physical ability to walk long, pack a bag, and just go I would. I feel trapped inside myself and blame myself for things even when I have nothing to do with it. I blamed myself for my mother's suicidal ideations growing up because I was always told it was my fault. I felt like a burden to my family there, and I feel like a burded to my husband. Lately, I am lonely, and feel like pulling even farther away from everyone because I feel like no one understands and that I am just a source of irritation for those I love or those around me. I have no energy, and my health is poor so that doesn't help matters. I just needed to get this out. I don't know what is going to happen to me or my marriage, but sometimes I just feel so unfit to be around folks.
Peace
Tanzanite
poster:Tanzanite
thread:614899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/614899.html