Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2006, at 19:52:52
In reply to lowering expectations--healthy?, posted by gardenergirl on February 25, 2006, at 17:15:42
I think my answer has two parts.
First there's the decision about the relationship. Whether it's worthwhile, whether it's what you want, whether your needs are being met. That's where expectations have to be kept relatively high.
Then there's the hurts in a relationship that you've decided (and periodically reassesed) is a worthwhile one that overall meets your needs. I think that's where lowered expectations can help a lot. It *is* sort of depressing, but if you can say "My husband is a terrific man who xxxx, and yet he can also be passive aggressive about special events." and he's "xxxx". There will probably be a lot of things on both sides of the equation. But thinking about it in a balanced way, and realizing that accepting the bitter comes with appreciating the better puts it all in better perspective.
Or so I've found.
Which doesn't mean that you can't keep trying. Just that it hurts less to realize that you may well not succeed.
I tend to have terribly low expectations in some areas, and terribly high expectations in others. All of which my husband can handily meet and sometimes exceed. :) (And vice versa I might add.)
Or at least that's my somewhat jaded view of relationships.
poster:Dinah
thread:613256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/613591.html