Posted by Tamar on November 9, 2005, at 19:03:22
In reply to Need some advice please, posted by lakesguy78 on November 9, 2005, at 8:42:42
Hi lakesguy,
I can imagine that if your girlfriend had the experience of her previous boyfriend cheating, she probably wants to feel she’s completely ready for stuff like sleepovers and sex. She might still be feeling rather emotionally confused, and the last thing your relationship needs is for her to agree in advance to a sleepover, only to find that when the time comes she’s not feeling like it. She’d feel under pressure; you could end up feeling hurt, and then your relationship would suffer.
If you really like her, give her plenty of time. I don’t know if anyone can say how long it will be. She probably doesn’t even know herself how long it will take.
I think she’s being quite sensible in wanting to take things carefully and slowly. If this is going to be a good relationship, she needs to feel secure.
I guess it depends on how patient you’re prepared to be. If you’re willing to wait, it could take a few months.
However… and I’m really hesitating to say this… I do think it would be a good thing to remain aware of the physical side of your relationship. What I mean is: if you spend the next few months kissing and touching and stuff and it seems to be building slowly towards more physical and emotional intimacy, that’s probably a good thing. But if it never seems to take off, she might be feeling that the timing of this relationship was wrong and she’s really looking for a friend at the moment. Obviously that isn’t what you’re hoping for.
I’m not suggesting you should keep a diary of the physical stuff you do with her or anything like that. And it’s also important to remember that people’s interest in touch can come and go a bit. But if you find in a couple of months that it seems to have decreased rather than increased you might want to try to talk to her about her feelings about the relationship.
I hope things work out for you.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:577059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/577217.html