Posted by octopusprime on October 14, 2005, at 10:02:31
In reply to What's wrong with independence?, posted by coachdee on October 10, 2005, at 22:15:33
How can you make him understand, you ask?
You have to change your reaction to his twenty questions. I wonder if you can change his focus when he starts asking questions. He asks what time class let out, reply with "I had a [great|boring|whatever] class, thanks for your interest. We talked about <zzz> and that topic is totally [relevant|irrelevant] because <xxx>".
If he continues along his line of questioning, try "My education is important to me, and I would like your support in improving my [career|earning potential|intellectual capabilities]"
If he persists, then pull out the big guns. "Remember the conversation we had about independence? This line of questioning makes me feel defensive and dependent on your approval about how I spend my time. I would prefer that you trust that I spend my time wisely. When I feel trusted and independent, I return to you happier, more relaxed, and more prepared to treat you as well as you deserve."
Anyway, presumably you love this man and want to share important parts of your life with him. It helps that you do it voluntarily. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just needs distraction and suggestions of things to say to you that are more appropriate when you walk in the door. "How was class" is a much better conversation starter. If it is really a control thing, you need to tell him that it's unacceptable and be prepared to act on that if he doesn't modify his behaviour. I am assuming you would prefer behaviour modification, so just try changing the topic and see how it goes from there. Good luck.
poster:octopusprime
thread:566315
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051002/msgs/566794.html