Posted by 64bowtie on July 25, 2005, at 10:54:13
I do WANT love, more love, as much love as even my pockets can hold...
I sit here wasted after a weekend of torture and torment for a decision I really, really had to make... I got home Saturday night after an afternoon retirement party in a local park, with my feelings of dignity totally in shattered tatters... A lady I had been acquainted with for about a year, had stepped up things about 6 weeks ago... At arms length, and only eating light lunches 2 or 3 times a week, we emailed here and there, but I was soon smitten... big time! What wasn't clear was her living arrangement with her (ex)boyfriend... The story was plausible, that they seldom even saw each other, and that she would be gone in a split-second, except that she is newly unnemployed, making it impossible in today's Bay Area housing market to find her own place...
On Friday, we were fine, joking around, and shared a big hug like we did almost daily, but at the retirement event, she was distant and obviously avoiding me... Then, (ex)boyfriend shows up on his Harley Sportster, wreaking of "goofy-bush", and acting as nice as could be... He had obviously bullied her into telling him where she was going, and she was acting distant and upset out of confusion, that she felt she had caused...
In a moment alone at the food table I asked naively, "I thought you said he didn't want you associating with the State Employment People?" (yet here HE was???); she was volunteering at the Employment office I consult with, while desparately looking for job opportunities... Her response was, "Bite me!" and she charged off... She knows I am 'head-over-heals' for her, and she has sat in my lectures so she knows I won't tolerate non-sense... Yet she makes me part of the problem (not the solution), just because she feels trapped by her own duplicitousness!?!?!?!?
I mean, I have forgiven even duplicitousness in the past, I just can't under these circumstances, I guess... If I continue with her, It will become another 'rescue mission'... And suddenly my tomorrows will be just like my yesterdays...
WTF is the matter with me... I am on my way to work and can't wait to see her... GO-FIGURE!!!
Rod
PS: what does this all say about my ability to stick to a decision????????
poster:64bowtie
thread:533212
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/533212.html