Posted by groundluminosity on July 12, 2005, at 18:49:53
Hello,
I have found in past (intimate) relationships that after a period of time (perhaps a few months) I start to become excessively and irrationally guilty to the point where I am 'forced' from within to perform confessions regarding the objects of my guilt.
Initially (the problem seemed to develop over the course of several relationships) I felt guilty about 'real' issues (in the sense that I could actually corroborate their happenings, for example getting physically close to others who I found attractive etc..). Inevitably, however, the entire situation degenerated to the point where I found myself analyzing or 're-reading' particular thoughts or feelings which had occured perhaps even a year earlier, and eventually, the reality of the situation based upon the criterion supplied above dissolved to the point where I was completely unsure about what I had thought or felt. Not only did this inspire the need to confess, but it also rendered me incapable of determining my actual feelings about the relationship.
Inevitably, the problem has ended (or contributed to the ending) of most of the relationships I've had.
Two things strike me as peculiar. Firstly, in all other matters I look to myself as the sole source of ethical authority. The desire to confess to my partner (i.e. to refer to another source of authority) seems out of place with my general ethical world view.
Secondly, to a point I can rationalise the feelings perfectly (although as the problem worsens this sense of 'rationale' begins to dissolve as described above), yet the feelings still overcome me.
It would be extremely helpful if someone could shed some light on this since a pattern seems to be emerging whereby it destroys my relationships.
Thanks for any advice you can offer,
Mike
poster:groundluminosity
thread:526860
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/526860.html