Posted by sunny10 on June 9, 2005, at 11:11:59
In reply to Re: Fabulous, I hope they forward your mail! » sunny10, posted by Larry Hoover on June 9, 2005, at 9:04:22
First, stop it, Damos, you're making me cry now... Oh, never mind, don't stop, the T says it's good for me to "feel my feelings" instead of trying to be "perfect" all of the time...
The risperdal thing was resolved (in the doc's mind) by her ADDING a half mg... She told me to give it two nights and let her know if I still am not sleeping. No, I did not sleep last night... Maybe tonight?!? I'm not so sure it ever worked, really... I had OD'd on Clonazepam and then they SEDATED me in the ER! I probably slept the first two nights because all of those sedatives were still in my system! But, I promised to give it two nights and it's only been one... sigh.
And stranger still, when we spoke about the meds she proceeded to BLOW my mind by telling me that someone had called asking that the doc release records and information on my current condition... Guess who?!? Drum roll, please...
MY MOTHER- who actually told the truth to the doc about the fact that we hadn't spoken in twenty years (okay, eighteen, but who's counting...)Of course I told the doc that I did NOT want her to release records or information; if she had wanted to actually care about me, she had the last twenty years to do so...
Dealing with HER on top of everything right now just might send me right off the deep end...
But on a positive note, after 37 years, I received validation from my brother about how our mother treated us. Apparently he was cursing her to my friend Jen (the smart one who petitioned to commit me, thank goodness). He was using swear words aimed at our mother for not caring enough to deal with my depression from the start (when I was 16-17 I attempted suicide, too). When I spoke directly to him, he said that he understands why I won't speak to her without her at least acknowledging how she emotionally abused and neglected us- he said that she "is convinced that she was a great mother just because she put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies", he went on to say that he now lives "with a great mom", his wife. "Meg puts the bulk of the income into our household, too, but she hugs and kisses our son, she reads to him, she takes him to the park, she giggles with him, et cetera... because THAT's love- THAT's what mothering is", "She resented each one of us for even being conceived and treated us accordingly".
You could have blown me over with a feather. That it took HIM 42 years to tell someone how HE felt about how we were raised.
Wow... it sure has been a STRANGE two weeks...
With both good parts and bad...
poster:sunny10
thread:507731
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/510036.html