Posted by Tamar on May 3, 2005, at 16:45:14
In reply to I don't know if we're going to make it...[long], posted by thewrite1 on May 3, 2005, at 14:26:43
It certainly sounds as if you’re having a difficult time of it. Being a full-time carer for a child under the age of five is one of the hardest things to do. Much harder, in my opinion, than full time work! And harder still if your partner works long hours. I think it’s a really good idea to go back to work. Will you be able to find good day care for your son?
Do you think perhaps your husband is feeling negative because he’s stressed out and can’t face thinking about making changes because it’s such an effort – even though it’s *your* working life at issue? I ask because I feel that way sometimes when things are hard. I just can’t face it when my husband comes up with plans to change things for the better. Unfair, I know. It’s all about anxiety in my case.
Also, there are strong cultural ideals about men providing for their families and women looking after children. Might he be unhappy about the idea of your working because he feels it’s your job to look after your son, and his job to earn enough to enable you to do it?
I think the single most important thing you can do is to get some regular time alone with your husband: at least once a month. Can your MIL watch your son for a couple of hours one evening? Then you can go out for a walk or dinner or something (ideally something that will involve actually talking to your husband, rather than a movie). And – if possible – avoid talk about problems and solutions. Just try to have fun.
poster:Tamar
thread:493168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/493221.html