Posted by sunny10 on March 18, 2005, at 9:35:09
In reply to Include my wife? Or leave her in peace?, posted by Shame on March 18, 2005, at 8:03:35
I had thought about this quite a few times. I felt guilty writing about what was troubling me, or using my life stories to try to help someone else who was troubled. I realized that a lot of what I was writing about included my SO and I felt that what I was "making public" about our life together should be made public to him, also.
But I also felt what you do; should I "burden him with more than he has to deal with, living with me on a daily basis"?
Eventually, I thought about what tpe of person he is. He is definitely the type of person who likes to make his own choices- he dislikes when I "try to guess what he would like".
So finally, I just told him what I had been thinking. That I was discussing our life on the internet and that I felt that he had a right to know and to read it if he wanted to understand me better. I created a bookmark and told him my screen name. He was a little upset at first that I was writing about us/him on a public forum (as he is a pretty private person), but when I explained that we do not use names (ours or theirs), he calmed down and said he didn't know whether he would use the link or not.
He is not much for effusive thanks or praise, but I could tell that he was pleased that I had brought this up to him and let him make his own choices.
If you believe that your wife may also like to make her own choices, you may find that having her understand you better will only improve a relationship that is supportive of both parties.
Hope I helped...
poster:sunny10
thread:472399
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050212/msgs/472425.html