Posted by Damos on February 27, 2005, at 23:49:16
In reply to I just want a date, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 25, 2005, at 21:24:11
Boy PhoenixGirl,
You really know how break an old guy's heart (you too alexandra_k). My heart really goes out to you both. Life shouldn't be like this for either of you. It's just not fair.
I'm not exactly sure how you exactly define a date but I'm pretty sure that whatever it is, I've never had one.
Never had a date in High School or a "girlfriend" either, but I guess that's no big surprise. Always kinda felt like a bug in a jar that people poked with sticks just to see it move. I was always standing on the outside looking in. If I hadn't been good at sport I don't think I would have gotten through.
Can't ever remember a time when I haven't been hopelessly and totally socially and emotionally, isolated, incompetent, inadequate and incomplete. And when you add really thingy about touching and being touched makes the whole relationship thing a teensy weensy bit difficult.
I'm 40 years old now and can honestly say that it's only been in the last 18 months that I've started to find relationships that I actually feel comfortable in and good about. Just friendships mind you but it's a start. Between you and me I have been lonelier in the relationships I've been in than I ever have on my own - which is really hard to admit.
PhoenixGirl just start slow. I started breaking down my isolation by just talking to the peole who run the coffee shop near work. It was easy to tell they were nice people so I started to go in at a regular time each day and one day just introduced myself and they were really nice. Moved to just small talk, the weather and stuff, but walking in smiling and saying G'day to each of them by name and finding that it's okay made such a difference.
Slowly as my confidence grew I started to speak to other people (newsagent, grocer, etc) low expectation, low risk of failure. It's incredibly hard, but I can tell you that the first time you actually start a real conversation with someone you don't really know, and it takes on a life of it's own and ends up okay that it a truly amazing feeling.
Please don't wait as long as me to find out that there's a whole out there beyond the toes of your shoes and your front door. You deserve way better than that! Okay. Let the universe begin to see what a beautiful person you are and then trust her to bring you what you need.
There is every chance that I'll never have a physical relationship with anyone, but the relationships I have with those that have come into my life in the last couple of years I could never have imagined before. Somehow I've also got more hugs of genuine affection in that time than all the years before too.
Well I think I've gibbered on long enough and am starting to get all misty and sad so I better sign off.
I'll be asking the universe to bring you both the love you deserve.
((((PhoenixGirl)))), ((((alexandra_k))))
poster:Damos
thread:463455
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050212/msgs/464270.html