Posted by partlycloudy on February 16, 2005, at 8:42:53
My mother has a distant relationship with us 4 kids. ("Kids" ages range from 42 to 50 years.) She was present physically while we grew up, but unavailable emotionally. When she divorced our dad after 26 years of marriage, the distance became physical too; as she insisted on being left alone (she stayed in the same town).
I thought I had processed the abandonment issues already, but still my heart breaks.
She is now 70 years old. She is obese, has high blood pressure, poor circulation, has had a deep thein thrombosis in her thigh, and has difficulty walking, causing her feet to pain her greatly. Her physician has advised her to become less sedentary and lose weight. Her heart would function better, her feet wouldn't hurt as much, she will be giving herself a better quality of life. She has said that it's her choice whether or not she takes the advice, and has decided not to.
When she visited me for 4 days a week ago, the deterioration of her health startled me, as I hadn't seen her in a year and a half. (I live in Florida and she lives in Canada.)She has told my sister (in California) that us kids have to get used to the fact that she's getting old and sick. The fact that she has a choice in controlling her health, and has decided not to participate in any program to improve it, makes me feel utterly abandonded all over again.
I don't know how else to express the sadness I feel. It's not like she has been diagnosed with a disease that is killing her - she is actively doing nothing to improve her health. Why is my heart breaking all over again? How many times can I grieve for the loss of a mother who spurns her children just because of their existence?
poster:partlycloudy
thread:458678
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050212/msgs/458678.html