Posted by freckafree on January 28, 2005, at 19:34:32
I have been married for 26 years to a man who exhibits a behavior that has finally driven me to the brink of divorce.
I describe what he does as "ranting" (which is a totally useless word to search on Google!). When he thinks no one can hear him, he launches into an extremely vicious diatribe about...whatever. I know when he thinks he is alone, he will rant out loud. I say "thinks he's alone" because I have seen him do this when he's mowing the lawn, and he's literally shouting over the noise of the mower. (I think his ability to hear himself is a critical part of this somehow.)
But when I'm in the house, he does it "sotto voce," so I know he's doing it but can't always tell what he's saying, other than a few key words and phrases, like "I" and "G*d damned" and "despise." It has been the "background music" of our entire marriage.
When he does this, he is totally engaged in it. This is not "Where did I put my damn keys?" muttering under one's breath. His face is contorted in anger, he clenches his teeth, shakes his fists, etc.
The really weird thing is that he can shift into this mode in an instant. We can be having a perfectly innocuous conversation, and the next minute I can see him shift, and he'll march out of the room as if compelled and begin ranting.
Virtually anything can trigger this. The times that I have figured out that he was ranting about me have been extremely disturbing to me. The last time, it was because I had forgotten to buy coffee, and he said the most poisonous, hateful things about me.
He has been unemployed for three years (in fact, he has only been sporadically employed in the years we have been together), spends his days alone in the house, and it is very obvious to me that this behavior has become more frequent and intense.
One of the reasons I am considering divorce is because we have a 9-year-old son. I think our son is unaware of this behavior, and I don't want him experience it. I certainly don't want him to be the subject of it, which he no doubt will be eventually.
I want so much to be out of this relationship but am fearful of what a person so consumed by anger will do (although he has never been physically violent towards me).
Can anyone tell me if this behavior is part of some disorder? Does it have a name? Is it treatable?
poster:freckafree
thread:449377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/449377.html