Posted by Colleen D. on January 7, 2005, at 20:18:31
In reply to sensitive being » Colleen D., posted by Shortelise on January 7, 2005, at 13:02:59
Hi Elise!
I keep asking myself the same question and try to think back to the beginning when we were the best of friends, great lovers and enjoyed doing lots of the same things.
Then came the children. We lost our first daughter who was stillborn. (first strike) Then we had Matthew who has a chromosome abnormality. (second strike) Then we had two more girls. Allison was planned; Bridget was a surprise. (third strike as far as he is concerned) My husband had also lost a daughter from SIDS from a previous relationship.
Sometimes I think all these stressors have just taken a toll on our friendship and love. I can't say exactly why, but when life doesn't go as you would like it to, it can change you in a negative way. I really really think my husband can't handle having a special needs child, and probably would have been better off emotionally if he hadn't had any. I want the best for all of us and if we can't live together happily and peacefully, I think we need to separate and move on. That is what I am working toward after being a stay-at-home mom since 2000 when we discovered that our baby was special. I just need to earn enough money to afford a divorce since my husband will not agree to have counselling on his own or with me. In the mean time, he is making life very rough for all of us at times.
For example, I was up most of the night last night with our 15 month old daughter (I slept in her room since I knew she wasn't feeling well and it's easier to get up and attend to her when I'm right there.) By 7 a.m. I was exhausted and just needed to close my eyes and let her try to calm herself down and go back to sleep. He heard her crying and came in and said, "So just lay there!" as if I was ingoring her for no good reason. He does absolutely NO nighttime parenting and criticizes me for not being able to keep up with it all. That is one of the things that makes me think he should have never had children and the children are a big part of "our" problem.
Thanks for listening.
Colleen
> Hi Colleen,
>
> I don't think we've met. But of course that doesn't prevent me from posting to you! :-)
>
> Here's my question, and I ask it because it I think answering it might be helpful:
>
> Why did you marry this man?
>
> ShortE
poster:Colleen D.
thread:437832
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041223/msgs/439165.html