Posted by Bamboomz on December 11, 2004, at 21:29:39
I don't know what to do anymore. I am so sick of feeling confused and weepy. All I think about is how crappy I feel. All I talk about is how crappy I feel. My loving and supportive boyfriend has now turned into an annoyed and sarcastic boyfriend who tries to escape my bleak, boring world as often as possible. So now, I spend my time trying not to bum everyone out and I keep my sad thoughts to myself. Unfortunately, this make me feel even worse. I usually don't write much on this web-site. I love to read what everyone else has to say. It makes me feel a lot better and not so alone. I am afraid that whatever I write will just sound like blah blah blah poor me. The usual crap, but hey, maybe this will help. No-one has to read it if they don't want to and then I can just vent through typing. Which is kind of what I'm doing right now. So here I go...
I am suffering from post-partum depression. My son is 16 months old and I have been going in and out of mild, short bouts of anxiety and depression since he was born. But for the past 3 months, I have been feeling worse and worse. About a month ago, I went to see my doctor who gave me effexor. I took it for two days, freaked out, then threw it in the garbage. Since then, I have been drinking herbal teas like crazy, and have been also taking a herb called Rhodiola. I have not been feeling much better. I am now beginning to experience migraines all the time as well as waves of nausea. Fun, fun, fun. I am going in for a psychiatric evaluation on Moday and I am kind of afraid of the whole thing. I guess it will be good for someone to finally say "Yes, you are depressed, you need to take this or that and you need to be in some sort of therapy." But I am afraid that they may also think that I am just wasting their time and I need to just deal with stress better and stop feeling bad for myself. I guess we will just see.
The reason I am going on about this on the relationship board is because I am feeling pretty bad about my boyfriend not giving me the support I feel I need right now. Is this something that is quite commen with people suffering from different mental illnesses? Probably. I guess it is hard for others to be able to understand how you feel and to give you what you need at the moment. Right now, I wish he was holding me and telling me positive things about us and our life as opposed to hiding in the back room, drinking wine and talking on the phone to his buddies.
O.K. well that's it for my vent. I don't really feel better right now but at least I got some stuff off of my chest.
poster:Bamboomz
thread:428000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041207/msgs/428000.html