Posted by just plain jane on October 13, 2004, at 21:10:05
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
Hi, Colleen,
This time I'll try to refrain from my normal wisea$s ways.
I live in Michigan, have been divorced in this state more than once.
First and foremost:
You are not stupid, not even about legal stuff. You can't help what you have yet to learn.
Please try to summon up your best acting skills and courage and always, when dealing with the husband, project a smiling yet serious very self-confident demeanor, even if you are trembling in your boots.In my experience, your confidence and failure to let him or this daunting situation appear to intimidate you will put him a little off balance, perhaps even intimidating him.
I also worked for an attorney who handles divorces, a few years back. It was just her and me there, so I handled every case.
If you have been married less than ten (I believe it is still ten) years, you most likely will not have to deal with the "community property" BS. In that case, what was yours is yours. You can keep everything you have done, bought, and whatever you brought into the marriage as yours. If you can document for the court what you have put into everything, you should be able to recover the same. How much you each earned, and spent on what would be good information to have together.
You don't want to live in the house. The way you've described it, he probably has very little, if any, equity claim.
If it were my situation I believe I'd put it up for sale. If the husband wants it, he'll have to do like any other prospective buyer and make an offer. You may have to sell it for a little less than you'd like to get out of it, in the interest of time and giving yourself the cash to relocate.
If you have, indeed, been married for more than ten years, the "down the middle" community property thing will be what you have to deal with, unless he's just gonna sit there and let you write up the divorce however you want it and will sign off. (oh, to be so lucky) But you can get pretty creative in your trade-offs and as long as you and he agree on what goes to whom and all, it could be relatively painless.
Try to smile, be the polite and patient one as far as displayed behavior. Let him be the obvious a$$hole, no matter how upset you get.
Oh, yeah, and don't say anything derogatory about their father in front of or in earshot of your children, even the baby. You'd be surprised how much really does get to them.
Wishing you courage, patience, and self-restraint.
just plain jane
poster:just plain jane
thread:401639
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/402830.html