Posted by alesta on October 10, 2004, at 13:49:43
i feel sooo sad. my bf has been a real jerk today..i woke up to hear him singing loudly over and over "you're no good, you're no good, bit#@, you're no good" happily. this is so crazy. i've been planning on leaving him for a while but for financial reasons was going to wait. now my bf says today "why don't you go stay at your mother's for a while" (he knows that isn't happening, though--she's meaner than he is) and is making inferences to me leaving. he's been mentally torturing me a lot lately. i feel so unwanted, so unvalidated. *i* was supposed to break up with *him*. he's been really abusive and puts me down constantly and is a crack addict and does heroin, but at least i always thought he still wanted me. i feel sad. now i don't even get the satisfaction of being the one to end this thing. i feel so unloved and unvalued and alone. i've never been really loved except by boyfriends when i was a teenager, and my brother. since then all i've been with is jerks. i want to be able to be happy by myself..i want to be able to rely on myself for happiness..i don't know if this is possible or not..i just want someone to think i'm special, or be special to them, i guess. maybe when my finances are situated i will be content being alone, as i'll have things to occupy myself. thanks for listening.
amy
poster:alesta
thread:401206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/401206.html