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Re: How can i feel more salvaged/secure?

Posted by baseball55 on November 8, 2017, at 20:56:40

In reply to Re: How can i feel more salvaged/secure?, posted by Lamdage22 on November 8, 2017, at 4:49:01

> I dont know how to say this in english. I just want to feel like i am not alone and that i am being cared for. I want to feel safe in society i guess and safe in my relationships. I dont trust people very much i guess.

Wow! This is just the way I used to be. I felt alone, uncared for, had no ability to trust people and (therefore) no close relationships. Trust is the very first thing. Without trust, you will never feel close and so you will always feel somewhat cut-off, alone and uncared for. I was lucky. I started seeing a therapist I felt I could trust and over time I trusted him more and more and made myself vulnerable to him and felt cared for by him. I was also lucky to have started going to AA where I could learn to bring that willingness to be vulnerable and trust to others, so I was not overly dependent on a paid professional.

A good therapist with whom you can feel a close rapport can teach you what trust and vulnerability feel like. If you can then gradually develop a few other relationships where you can try to be a bit more open and vulnerable. Not necessarily or even preferably a romantic relationship. Learning to trust and feel vulnerable to others is really a precondition to a successful romantic relationship. Learning the knack of friendship would be the first step.

Unfortunately, this is not an easy process. You really do need to make yourself vulnerable and trust that you will be cared for and not rejected. Working with a therapist to start helps because they will not reject you and will teach you that it's possible to feel this way.

I don't know how available therapy is in Germany (right? - the home of the talking cure) and I know lots of people say, I tried it and it didn't help. But if you can find someone you feel good with (a good fit) and are willing to trust and honestly express your feelings (many people are not and then give up, saying, well this didn't help), then therapy can be extremely useful.




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