Posted by Kimberly April on March 18, 2015, at 0:24:11
In reply to Re: long-term psychotherapy, feelings, fears, ending, posted by Dr. Bob on March 15, 2015, at 10:05:56
> > I suppose Part of me will always want to sit next to him on his couch and lean my head on his shoulder. I've never done that, and I know boundaries would prevent that.
> >
> > I just think it's incredibly sad that the one person who I have connected with so closely happens to be my therapist. I also think that this very connection with all of its feelings and closeness helped me to feel again, and to open my heart to loving feelings. Thank you all for your sharing and understanding.
>
> I'm glad you've had a positive therapy experience. Do you think the boundaries may have helped you feel it was safe to open your heart?
>
> BobI think that in the beginning of therapy the boundaries helped me to feel safe, which is what I needed most of all. I always wanted to run away because I was afraid of closeness. After meeting for a while, (several years) I started to notice things like his tears sometimes when I shared what happened to me, his patience and kindness, and a warmth that I had not really felt before. I started to trust him a little, and when he answered my question about why the teacher became a therapist I started to trust him even more. I still wanted to run away sometimes when things got too intense, but then I started to notice that getting close to him wasn't as scary as I thought. I wanted to feel close to him. After this point he gave me a hug at the end of my sessions, and that really helped me to trust him more, and to feel even closer to him. In the end I believe that his kindness and warmth is what really drew me out from behind my wall of fear. Although the boundaries were foundational in the beginning, what really helped me was how he has negotiated boundaries over the years, I think it helped me to feel like I had a say in my own therapy instead of feeling powerless, which is something I still can't stand to feel. This is also what has helped me to think about therapy coming to a close. We negotiated what that would mean, how we could cut down sessions, but that his door would always be open, and I could return. Before this time I could not face ending. I think giving me some control over how we would end, and the fact that I could indeed return, have helped me so much, and taken much of my fear away about ending. We are not done yet, but will be in the future. I'm the one who brings up leaving, but we are taking it one step at a time. I will share with you that for my little girl inside it didn't feel like therapy to her, it felt like love. I realize that many therapists and experts in the field are so terrified of that L word, but I don't know how else to explain to you how "she" felt. The adult did feel those feelings, too, and I think that is why ending was difficult until we talked about it and what it would mean. Therapy was a transforming process for me and for my life. It replaced hate with love, fear with acceptance, and anxiety with peace. I used to want to die, but now I am so glad to be alive. I won't kid you, this was not an easy or pain free process to go through. Having a therapist walk with me on the journey, not drag me or push me, has helped me to heal from trauma. I do feel I love him, feel a deep affection for him as kind of a father figure. Some people might think this is inappropriate, but he is the one who helped the little girl to feel safe enough to tell someone something she never told anyone before in her life. Then he held her feelings in his office, listened to her, cared about her, and helped her to learn how to care about herself and how to have healthy relationships. Incredible as this may seem, I still don't really understand everything that happened in therapy, except I healed, my heart opened, and I learned about love. Is that what therapy really is? I keep asking that question. But I feel I know the answer for myself, and I am incredibly grateful to my therapist for his patience with me, firm but pliable boundaries, his kindness, his tears, his empathy, and his caring.
poster:Kimberly April
thread:1064448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1077618.html