Posted by baseball55 on March 9, 2014, at 20:04:12
In reply to What he could have said, posted by Dinah Seeks Support on March 9, 2014, at 13:57:30
I understand your wanting that. I would want it too. But maybe he is too ill/distracted to write personalized notes.
The sad truth is that we are not part of their personal lives and, when personal problems force them to abandon their professional lives, they abandon us. That's the reality. We do matter to them in their professional lives. They are gratified by their work. They like, care about, even love us as patients/clients. They really do. But once the professional relationship is over/on-hold, that's it.
I know my p-doc, if he had a stroke, cancer or something, would probably just arrange to have a colleague call his existing patients to let them know he was out of commission or closing his practice. He wouldn't email, thankfully, since we don't do email and he doesn't have my address.
And that would be that. I doubt I would even be informed if he died, except weeks after the fact. It's so sad and hard and unfair and it pains me to think about. But it's the reality of the relationship.
> "Dinah,
>
> I'm so very sorry I have not been able to contact you until now. Unfortunately, I am out on an emergency medical leave for an undetermined duration while I (undergo chemotherapy) (learn to walk again) (take care of my family member) (am in jail/rehab/unable to make or receive calls or emails). I will contact you when I am able to schedule appointments, but it will be a minimum of four months - probably more.
>
> I know that therapists aren't washing machines, and I won't belittle twenty years of building a therapeutic relationship by advising you to carry on your treatment with a new therapist. But if you need support or assistance, or if you need to process my leaving, I hope that you will contact one of the therapists whose names I gave you. I really think they will be a good fit for you. If they aren't available, xxxx of xxx at (xxx)xxx-xxxx is available for my clients.
>
> This is absolutely not a rejection of you or of our years together. I don't know when I might be able to come back, but I very much regret having to do this and I don't do it lightly."
>
> If he said that, leaving out the "continue your treatment" and "new and current clients", and adding a bit more personalization without adding significantly more words I'd have probably been very upset but waited for his return and prayed for his recovery with no anger, bitterness, or feelings of stupidity for the vast waste of time and money.
poster:baseball55
thread:1062006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20131211/msgs/1062121.html