Posted by alexandra_k on February 22, 2014, at 0:04:40
In reply to Re: grief issues » sleepygirl2, posted by Phillipa on February 21, 2014, at 22:48:24
a year is nothing. pretty sure that a year after my fathers death i was still feeling the effects of that full force.
grief processing is controversial... 12 months... 18 months... longer... i don't entirely know that i had anything approximating 'normal' response to my fathers death, but took a lot longer than that. and not so much that i got over it as that i think on it less often. and we were not particularly close. so it isn't like i'm caught thinking 'oh, i should call dad' or whatever. that only has happened a couple times yet. i think it must be much harder again for people who are closer.
i hope you can talk to your sisters / mum. sometimes... when there isn't anything we can do... the best thing to do with guilt is to admit that we feel it to the relevant people, i think. especially in this case. it attests to how much you care - that this is hard for you, and that it is hard for you to not be in the position to do anything more practical to contribute / help.
it can be a considerable help to others just to know that you are affected, and that you do care. it might well turn out that there are things that you can do to help (e.g in virtue of your willingness to offer support). they can talk to you - yeah?
i remember feeling very affected by how... fragile my mother seems now. especially since my father left. i don't think any of this is supposed to be easy. i think... many would think there was something wrong if it was.
hang in there.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1060936
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20131211/msgs/1061024.html