Posted by antigua2013 on July 15, 2013, at 19:04:33
In reply to How are you doing? (nm) » antigua2013, posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 13:32:09
Thank you everyone for all of your kind and supportive words. They mean a lot to me.
I am in an awkward position of looking in the paper every day, hoping and praying that I won't see my T's obituary, but then again, hoping that I will so that she will be at peace. As far as I know, she is still alive, and I can check with the dr. who told me, but I just can't seem to make myself do that.
I have had dreams about her, mostly where she is telling me that it is OK for me to let go and move on. I won't really let her go until I know she has died and maybe that's why I don't want to know if she has died. (Does that even make any sense?)
My psychiatrist thinks I feel abandoned by my T, but I don't. I honestly and truly don't. I laugh, though, because I could really use her help in getting through this! I have definitely regressed to a needier state (which isn't the right state for my work with my psych, but to his credit he is the one who pointed it out and said not to stress over it).
My heart is full of love and gratitude for her and everything she did for me. This is so unlike me, to NOT feel abandoned by her. I am heartbroken that she is dying, but it is for her and her family.
She taught me well, and I feel very lucky that we were able to work through the termination before her illness. It sounds like a cliche, but I have internalized her and she will always be with me.
No more, or the tears will begin again.
Thanks again,
antigua
poster:antigua2013
thread:1042571
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1047266.html