Posted by antennastoheaven on June 20, 2013, at 1:57:12
In reply to Re: I'm thinking this program is inappropriate for me, posted by baseball55 on June 19, 2013, at 20:09:27
I understanding what you are saying and I'm listening and trying to learn... I was in a generally better mood today and felt more connected, and even brought up in group that I was having trouble relating to a lot of other people's stories. But I'm still convinced that I am truly different.
(going off topic on my own thread) I have a serious lack of empathy as-is, not sure if the program can possibly help with that. People have broken down crying a few times and I have felt nothing. Properly dealing with people who are grieving (or celebrating) is not something I can do; when someone at work or in my family has a relative die, I don't talk to them and don't express sympathy because I don't know how and don't feel anything. I don't do anything even when people tell me to call someone or send a card or whatever. When my parents die I don't expect to feel much, and I'm worried about how I'm going to appear to others when it happens (assuming I outlive them...). I can't respond when people are celebrating something big like having a child. I never bring it up - can't even manage to say congratulations. I also find it very difficult to praise others and receiving praise typically makes me uncomfortable. These issues don't really bother me, but I suppose they are things I can try discussing in groups.
These kinds of things are indicative of schizoid personality disorder, which I am diagnosed with according to my online health record (I have never actually been told about the diagnosis, though). Since I'm not supposed to know about the diagnosis, I didn't tell the hospital about it when I started the partial hospitalization program. I feel the diagnosis is correct, though, and that schizoid symptoms do make me very different. So I feel this could be a real barrier to getting much out of group.
I also feel very different than everyone else in that I didn't have any stressors that led to me being in the program. If I was going because of a suicide attempt, or some life event like a breakup or loss, or some kind of psychosis or delusion, then I would feel like I fit in better.
poster:antennastoheaven
thread:1044771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1045571.html