Posted by Dinah on February 8, 2012, at 7:56:35
In reply to Re: I spoke about it., posted by emmanuel98 on February 5, 2012, at 19:43:15
Or rather he said he had something more to say.
He told me that he'd already told me that if we needed to work something out with regard to fees in order for me to continue to go twice a week, we'd do that. We'd do what was needed. He said he hadn't repeated it during the last two discussions because he didn't realize it needed to be repeated. And he said he had considered the last discussion to be more abstract and philosophical than he now realized I considered it, so he wasn't as careful in what he said as he should have been.
I told him it had felt like he was saying the insurance panels were more valuable or important to him than I was, and he said that was silly.
I'm paraphrasing. I don't necessarily remember the particulars.
I'm not sure if he really remembered his previous offers or if it was a polite fiction after I had called and told him what was really bothering me. But I suppose the important thing was that he made a firm commitment to make it work.
I think I made the anger thing seem worse than it was. I told him that I sometimes saw him as a whore and felt contempt for him in a conversational tone, almost apologetically. And he responded that he was f*cking angry in a conversational tone as well. Which I don't think is a bad thing. He was letting me know how my words were affecting him. He said at the same time that he can be angry with me without it harming our relationship. That's always been a lesson he tries to teach me, as I tend to overreact to anger in a relationship. My therapist thinks it can be healthy.
As I said, it was all very civilized. But he was warmer and kinder this time. I suppose he realized that I had been personalizing some of his comments that he meant as impersonal. Or perhaps he had had time to reconsider his defensiveness and react to the insecurity in my words.
The money will always be a sore spot in our agreement. Partly because of his attitude towards money. He really really likes money. He admires the things that money can buy. A lot of people have shared things their therapists have said about money, and it's not the same as what my therapist conveys. I'm sure there's good reason for his attitude. I know he's always considered therapy to be an unstable source of income. But still... Money will likely always be a tender spot. And maybe it should be. The reminder that he is performing a service for a fee isn't a bad thing.
poster:Dinah
thread:1009185
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1009648.html