Posted by b2chica on January 25, 2012, at 14:42:48
im bouncing back and forth today between little and big.
i'm drugged up. think i took too much. pretty loopy.
i dont know what triggered me, other than under lot of stress at work.
i dont know if i can get it together tonight to be parent. have two sick kids.
and...
and, theres something about my oldest that scares me so much.
she's only 4 but she's an old soul. a sensitive. and sometimes when i look at her i feel dispair, like something bad is going to happen to her and i'm going to loose her. in fact that happened last night.
i looked at her and felt loss. an ache in my heart.
maybe i'm miss reading the ache. i'm used to only feeling bad stuff, and expecting bad things to happen.
but i cant have anything happen to her. i mean you dont understand what she means to me. shes the kinda girl that will go up to me for no reason and hug me for what feels like 5 min! just letting me hold her. and telling me how much she loves me.
last night i was helping her get her pajamas on and accidently moved her foot that her ankle hit the bottom of the bed, it hurt her. i apologized and she said...'thats ok mommy, i still love you'...:)
she is so full of love, but so sensitive. and she does have some medical issues like asthma ans severe food allergy.
it scares me.
My Dear God in Heaven how i love that child.
i ask, i beg, please dont take her from me...:('''
poster:b2chica
thread:1008368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1008368.html