Posted by Annierose on October 25, 2011, at 20:47:51
I had a tough few weeks. I continue to struggle in my marriage (we are in marriage counseling) and there is another matter than consumes my brain, energy and angst. I have been trying my best to "suck it up" and charge ahead with my life as if nothing is wrong. But I'm not fooling anybody, especially me.
My therapist (not marriage t) has been beyond supportive and loving and kind and unjudging and just "gets it". She reminded me that in my childhood, I didn't permit myself to crumble, because there was no one there to console or comfort me. So I operated as if life was normal and created a world inside my head that was happy - a buffer from the chaos in my house. And now it's okay to fall apart, cry, grieve and give in to the sadness.
So today I cried. I cried after working out, I cried after therapy in my car, I cried during marriage counseling (YES ... I had both sessions back to back --- horrible!!), I cried after marriage counseling, I cried at home, I cried after my weight watchers meeting and I cried talking to a friend on the phone.
I sent my t a text - letting her know that I am officially a mess. She replied, "These are certainly tough times. Better to have the tears, though, than to have them covered up as your sadness is very real and deep and long standing ... deserving of your full attention."
It warmed my heart ... giving me permission to cry. I needed to read that.
My impulse is to pack my bags, drive hundreds of miles away and start my life over. I know. My problems will follow. And I do have two wonderful children that I would never ever leave. It just feels as if I'm facing every problem at once. And that sucks.
poster:Annierose
thread:1000806
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111017/msgs/1000806.html